At the start of last year, I began to experience doubt and restless, after choosing to go into a venture that had presented itself. Shortly after, I noticed that I needed to exert myself to just get there, every morning. I was sad and irritable and found the slightest questioning of my abilities to be sheer torture. What followed were months of self-doubt, constant pressure and which evolved into angst. Seeing no other alternative I pressed on and the stress continued to mount. My health declined and I was sleepless on many nights.
After one of Pastor Doug’s sermons on hearing God’s voice, becoming and maintaining one’s spiritual awareness, the pattern of my prayers began to change. At the start of each day, I started to enquire where God was going and what He was doing for that day. I also asked if I could tag along! To my surprise and delight, God took me with Him daily; that is unless I was unwilling or inattentive – something that happened often. I pushed forward, taking no heed to the voice in my head urging me to my own forays… I had been there and done that! It was not working, so no more!
The tide and barrage of ‘life’ abated gradually. Moments of blissful solitude emerged and when I heard from God, I felt so relaxed. His peace and calm guiding hand were enough for me. Those were of course, fleeting moments because I was still hell-bent on my project! The interest was alive and kicking, but I am glad to report that God’s hand kept a firm hold, as I continued to pray and ask His heart’s desire.
The battle for the control of my soul and spirit was raging, more fiercely than I had ever known. Now I understand why ignorance is bliss! Oh! the irony! My hunger for prayer continued to grow. God’s Holy Spirit presence developed my longing for His constant companionship. He remained faithful, and I responsed positively. Within days and for the following weeks, God’s answers started pouring in, thick and fast! I was so relieved. First came surprise, then a deep irrational fear about the next steps. The chance to openly declare a change of direction has brought intense healing for this now-delivered back-seat driver!
I pressed in, with the support of Margo, Angela, Anne-Marie and Julissa. These dear friends chose to keep me accountable with love. I was able to relax, clear my head and respond with clarity. I asked them to pray with me and they did so time and time again, without delay, doubt or complaint.
It has been a long and bumpy ride but I am so glad to disembark at this point. Thank you my dear, dear friends and special thanks as always, to The Lion of Judah! May His name be glorified for transforming us all!
Catch up soon!