When things change

Happy New Year Everyone!

It has been a minute since I last posted. 2016 was my year of achieving great things, with incredible breakthroughs on many levels and in all areas. We moved to Ethiopia as a family and had a wonderful time, settling into a communist state but enjoying overcoming breakthrough in all areas. Work was great.

Sadly, it is the year that my darling Mum passed away, after a battle with cancer, finally answering her call to go Home. Difficult as this was, I am thrilled to imagine her reunion with both my younger brothers and other family members. I can only imagine her joy to see Jesus face-to-face and spend time in His presence.

There are a couple of things we learned during our transition to Addis Ababa and back to Nairobi.

Do things well, as God is always in the room. We have a great God who watches over us, with such great love and care. Our obedience determines our walk with Him. Much as He loves us and longs for our love in return, our commitment comes in our loving obedience, not obligation. Obligation is loveless duty and often leads to acts of rebellion. My work environment was challenging at times, as I do not speak the local language, Amharic. Through my time, I learned to pick a few key phrases and flourished despite the language difference. The key thing is to remain respectful and navigate the cultural nuances, to gain acceptance and trust,

What you do matters and you are doing it for Him and His glory. Worldly applause will never compare to God’s approval and upgrade. We have one Judge and glorious witness. He alone matters. Obedience, love, faith all matter and He expects. This from each one of us. With His Word as our guide, we have a compass and a path to God. Being a woman among a large team of male Managers could be daunting. As God had set thtis assignment before me, I prayed daily for boldness, courage and love. These were simple keys that propelled me to small successes in rapidly changing circumstances. The test came when the State of Emergency was announced and we were able to continue with courage and conviction. As a true Kenyan,  I do not enjoy any form of political angst but we pulled through and thrived.

Trauma is a chance for you to face your fears. You are not alone. God leads and heals if you let Him. Coming back to Nairobi twice in two months to attend to my ailing Mum was nerve-wracking for birth family. We managed to stand together and work well. It was so difficult handling the news of Mum being terminally ill. She had been our greatest cheerleader, confidante and  nurturer. How things changed. The news that we had lost her was so difficult to handle and we were left helpless, until we cried out to God. He came in, granting us peace, comfort and strength when we least expected it.

Healing is growing. The things that challenged us a year ago, hardly seem as daunting today. It was our chance to experience the pain and healing we have seen so many others go through before us. It has been six months and the pain is still fresh, yet the Lord had prepared me for it. For years after the loss of our younger brothers, I grew really close to our Mum. She taught me so much about her and what to do in different situations. We shared precious experiences and built incredible memories. As a young child, she demonstrated intense love and care for me, preparing me to love our daughter and the other children we will have. I feel so priveleged and so grateful to have had that chance. I can only realize this, if I embrace healing and move forward.

Unforgiveness, self-pity and bitterness are crippling. Unresolved negativity is toxic. Drop it. Make a clean slate of by forgiving others and yourself. Receive God’s forgiveness and let your renewed focus on Him release you from a muddy mess. As I make peace with the things Incould have done or dealt better with, I release myself into God’s goodness, to enjoy His love and blessing. Without t, I would not be able to recognize or see what He is gifting me. It has not been easy but I know that this is the best thing. Walking away from unnecessary guilt and shame is the beginning of acceptance. Self-acceptance brings me to a place of tranquility within myself and gives me permission to love and care for myself. Only then can I love my family and others, as God would have me do.

It has been a long walk and even though it is far from over, I have a joy and a peace at letting go. Letting go of Mum. Letting go of Ethiopia. Moving back to find some things that I left, still the same. So much has changed and some stays the same. With God leading, the future is far less bleak and in fact s whole lot brighter. The things that tormented me appear to be far less significant and a whole lot less painful. It is a new day and it will get better!