The man she thought she loved

Clara struggles against the urge to wake up. She wills herself to sleep at about four in the morning. She rolls onto her other side, yawns and stretches out onto her back. She dreads waking early and is too tired to sit up, keeping her eyes shut and forcing herself to daydream instead.

Her sleepless husband, already awake and watching the news in the living room, ready to will the world to his prescribed changes. All the lights between their bedroom, stairs and living room blazing. Clara groans and lies on her left side, eyelids fluttering, as she makes out the curtains before her. Why must he lose sleep at all-hours, she wonders. She worries for his health.

Andrew zaps across several news channels, trying to balance what is happening in Europe, the United States and the rest of the world. His mind, blank with exhaustion, emits that tiresome hum. For the past few days, the hum is audible in his ears. He fears the worst, but is too tired to worry, care or do something about it. As with everything else, he withholds this information from Clara.

Clara looks back over the twenty odd years they shared together. She wonders why Andrew’s insomnia takes a turn for the worse at this time of year. He eats more, sleeps less, seems lost and indifferent to his surroundings and once a new challenge arises at work, he tunes back in, smiling, chatty, laughing and loving. Clara cries out to God for clarity in this area of their lives. Talking to Andrew about it, is like drawing blood from a stone. She prays, relishing the calm and peace God ushers into her heart.

Andrew watches more early morning news, focusing on the human stories and intermittently honing in on certain political stories. He gets up onto his feet and petulantly starts his stretch routine. His eyes stare blankly, his heart cold and uncaring. He is fine, he reassures himself, after all, he walks, talks and gets his job done. He mentally wrestles with the curious looks he gets from his wife and children, followed by a dozen questions.

Clara wonders if this is the day she should insist on therapy for him. Odd behavior, like watching melodrama, foreign soaps and wedding shows is clearly uncharacteristic of Andrew. He denies any knowledge of it. He thinks it is developing a fun side to his personality. Clara is certain he is going through a mid-life crisis. She stirs herself, staggering out if bed to the bathroom. She catches her reflection in the mirror, dreading to see the dark circles under her eyes. Much improved, she smiles at her image, delighted at her progress.

Andrew completes a no-perspiration regime and practically kicks the door to their bedroom. His actions fail to line up with his thought and he mechanically heads to the shower. He is silent, staring and intent on completing the second task of the day. The humming in his mind begins to die down in the shower. The relief of the warm water, temporarily drowning out his sorrow, washing away his pain,


In The Flow


The Christmas season promises lots of shiny things. We get overwhelmed with stuff. It gets awkward when we fill our lives with stuff that has no capacity to love us back. Imediately after the festivities, we wonder is this it? So we crank up iur hopes and begin fresh plans and ideas for the next Christmas! The cycle begins again!

Cycles are the best way the human mind functions, or so society tells us. Speaking of cycles, the last cycle I read in the Bible tells us about the Israelites infamous crossing in their exodus from Egypt. An 11-day crossing turned into a 40-year circuit filled with complaining, reminiscent tales about the food in Egypt (garlic, leeks and onions?!) and a disregard for the wonder of living in God’s awesome company! This crowd witnessed numerius miracles, including God’s favour and sustenance in manna raining down over them, the Ten Commandments and God’s wrath at their disbodience.

The current Christmas celebration traditions started in England in 1843, with the publication of Charles Dickens’  ‘A Christmas Carol.’ The concept of gift giving as published, extended from children to adults. Within a few years and with the marketing of products during the Industrial Revolution, Christmas evolved into a commercial sales season of the year. Toys appeared in stores before Christmas, as manufactured items, with a promise to fulfill the recipients dreams. Christmas has become such a commercial event in our calendars that malls the world over build lavish lighting and tree displays, complete with a Santa and a stockpile of gifts for children.

In contrast, the Bible’s Christmas story introduces us to a Saviour born into a simple, humble, dark, smelly and very true-to-life world. No rosy pictures spring to mind as we think of His birth in a cave, to be revealed to the world from a manger. Yet we can visualize Christ gurgling, gigling, calm, peaceful and content to come into a very turbulent world and redeem His creation! (Read: us).

I love Christmas and the glint it puts jn our eyes. What I strive to, is to present the true purpose of Christmas and how the Light of the World came to us and what that means. My heart asks – are we truly thankful for the bitth of our Saviour, acknowledging Him as the reason for the season or are we building lofty dreams and going in circles? What would Jesus Christ have us to believe and what is the Holy Spirit pointing you to?

It’s Not Over (When God is in it)

Israel Houghton and New Breed remind us that God is not done with us yet! It may look and feel bad, but God’s plan is far different from how we perceive it. Is it time to give back the crushed dreams, plans and ideas to Him?

Extra work needed!

Just going to ChurchExtra work in our faith building starts with prayer, reading God’s Word, receiving  the Holy Spirit and living in obedience.  Listen to God and He will lead, guiding your steps and stretching your faith.  The trip is long and can be arduous but the rewards are beyond anyone’s hope or imagination!